Ludwig Van Boogie

As Beethoven was to 19th century music, so was disco to 1970s music. And, to take this already absurd analogy to its inescapable absurd conclusion, the 1970s saw a confluence of the two: a disco-fied version of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, A Fifth of Beethoven (to be accompanied by a fifth of Jack Daniels?), a gloriously preposterous amalgam of the sublime and the ridiculous. One wonders (well, at least I wonder!) what Beethoven would have made of this unlikely hybrid. Would he have turned a deaf ear to it?

Purely gratuitous aside: I wondered whether there was a word in the English language signifying the process of rendering something in disco style. Disco-fy? Disco-ize? Disco-grify? Having settled on disco-fy, I am now struck by how science-fictional it rings, which has planted the idea in my mind for a movie where alien invaders attack earth, armed with weapons which turn humanoids into people with three-piece suits and no tie, gold chains, platform shoes, with one finger pointed heavenward. Lord help us, doctor -- he's been discofied!

One undeniable property of disco music, no matter how silly one finds it, is how eminently danceable it is. The moment your body hears that crazily funky bass line, harnessed to that syncopated African beat, sprinkled with electric guitar wah-wahs and short blasts from the horn section, try as you might to stop it, it will spring into action.

First, your head and shoulders will start swaying from side to side. Next, your legs will start a-quivering, while your feet are a-tapping on the floor. Soon, your entire torso is oscillating in your seat. And before you realize it, your body has picked itself up from your chair, and is dancing with wild abandon, shaking like the leaves on a tree. Go ahead, listen to the proffered video. I defy you to remain absolutely still!

Couldn't do it, couldja? See?